HOW DOES IT FEELS TO BE A LONER?

By Pie Tan

A lot of people in this world are sure loners, they prefer to be all alone by themselves as they better enjoy “quiet and peaceful” surroundings.
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I’ve been there, done that.

As an only child, I never feel good being with so many acquaintances and random people. It never makes me happy, instead, I easily get irritated, mad and bored. 

I prefer privacy and do things on my own. Asking favors from others makes me feel lame, stupid and useless. I became choosy, sensitive and perfectionist. Mistakes and flaws usually disappoint me. I hardly trust anyone and became self-dependent. Never did I wish to ask for somebody’s advice and help for I don’t want to owe them anything.

​I was paranoid!
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I shared with nobody my thoughts, ideas and feelings, I kept a lot of secrets that even until now those are just between me and myself.

The situation was really pathetic though, but it was perfectly satisfying. No conflicts, no issues, no commitments and pain in the butt. I felt free from all negativities of the world. It was just me, myself and I.

Not long enough when I suddenly felt something’s missing, that there were better things and a promising future outside my comfort zone. 

I’ve searched for answers, I befriended everyone, I talked and interacted with people who were younger than me, same my age and older. I got amazed, I turned to be a good listener of their stories, pains, humors and experiences. I thirst for what I have heard and witnessed. I wanted more. But still, I was not satisfied, I still feel empty.

I don't really remember well how'd I made it. 'Guess because I just stayed true to myself and drastically fought for survival.

​Looking back on all of those growing up stages, I know that I did learned so much, a lot.

The response.
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Indeed, God has allowed the tough phases, chapters and milestones in our lives to happen as a preparation for something bigger that will mold and shape us to someone He exactly wanted us to be. We may not be able to see and understand His purpose and reasons today, sooner but not later, we'll see.